Lover Girl, but Queen of Detachment
I love you but I love me more⦠suddenly I am the villain!
I used to believe that love was supposed to consume you. That when you felt it, youβd just know. That butterflies were a sign, not a warning.
I used to romanticize the idea of falling fast, hard, deeply. I thought being available meant I was ready. That being soft meant I had to stay.
But the more I grow, the more I realizeβ¦ love isnβt always enough.
It started on one of those days where I looked the complete opposite of ready.
No makeup, slippers, oversized tee that I almost tossed out the day before. One of those βIβm not in the moodβ kind of days. I didnβt feel pretty. I didnβt even feel present but then he showed up randomly, effortlessly.
He said something silly and I laughed, one of those real laughs that you donβt force or plan.
And that was it⦠the beginning.
We exchanged numbers, texted for hours, fell asleep on calls. The kind where you wake up and your phoneβs hot from being pressed to your face all night. He was consistent and Interested, or so it seemed.
We started hanging out. He had that soft charm that made you feel safe. Iβd laugh until my stomach hurt. Iβd send little βmade me think of youβ texts.
He made me feel⦠light. Like I could fall, just maybe, and for a moment, I did.
Lover girl mode? Activated.
I shifted plans just to see him. Sent voice notes when something funny happened.
This was the kind of attraction that hits you without warning. His presence made my heart skip. But hereβs where it gets interestingβ¦
The more time we spent, the more I realizedβ¦something was missing. Itβs not that he changed. I just started hearing what wasnβt being said. He was present, but not there.
Conversations stayed on the surface, never sinking deep. He never had much to say about his dreams, his thoughts, or the world beyond surface things.
The mind? Silent. The soul? MIA. It was like being in a conversation with echoes. And the more I tried to pull substance out of him, the more the echoes got loud.
He didnβt ask about my mind. Didnβt challenge my thoughts. Didnβt see beyond my smile π.
Thatβs when it hit me.
I wasnβt in love with him, I was in love with the idea of him. And now that Iβd seen the truth, I couldnβt unsee it.
I used to think attraction meant something but now I know:
βAttraction without depth is just noise.β
And Iβm too full of life to shrink into quiet connections.
You can be beautiful, sweet, sexy, and still feel completely alone when the connection isnβt soul-deep.
So I started detaching, not out of bitterness, but out of clarity. I walked away from what looked good because it didnβt feel good. And not in a dramatic wayβ¦ I didnβt slam the door or cause a scene. I justβ¦ detached.
And the wildest part? He never noticed.
Now, I donβt fall fast anymore, not because Iβm cold, but because Iβm clear. I donβt chase connections, I observe them. I donβt stay where I feel anxious, I leave where I feel empty.
Call it detachment if you want.
I call it βSELF-RESPECTβ.
So if that makes me the villain, so be it.
Iβd rather be misunderstood than unfulfilled. Iβd rather be alone than dim my magic for company that canβt see it.
So yes, Iβm the lover girl but donβt get it twisted ~ Iβm also the queen of detachment. ~
And my peace? Itβs non-negotiable. If youβve ever loved someone who couldnβt meet your mind, this post is your mirror.
And if youβre nodding and smiling right now? Yeahβ¦ youβre one of us. A soft girl with sharp instincts. ππΌββοΈ
With love,
Becky
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This is for the woman who still feels, but no longer chases πΈπΌ
Teach me your ways master ππ€²πΎ
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